Today's Alphabet of Offenses

1. Air Guitar Playing
2. Boxing Kangaroos
3. Censorship
4. Discussing Deconstruction
5. Encouraging Mediocrity
6. Fluttering Your Eyelashes and Meaning It
7. Guffawing
8. Hierarchical Thinking
9. Irksomeness
10. Jingling Your Keys
11. Kleptomania
12. Legerdemain
13. Monopolizing the Conversation
14. Name Dropping
15. Ogling
16. Pretending Not to See Someone Who, Come On, You Can Obviously See
17. Quantifying Your Emotions
18. Reengineering Corporations
19. Sulking
20. Training Animals to Talk
21. Ululating
22. Vapidness
23. Wanking (just kidding! seeing if you’re paying attention!)
24. Xeroxing Your Butt
25. Yielding to Authority
26. Zaniness