Saturday, August 12, 2006

My Musical Resume by Debbie Naples

1963–present: bang various pots with wooden spoon

1964–1980: sing Broadway show tunes and Negro spirituals in family car

1966–1974: learn almost the entire musical score to My Fair Lady

1967: play kazoo, self-taught

1967:have kazoo confiscated due to complaints from Italian grandmother

1967–1969: perform with Our Lady of Peace school choir

1967–present: get in trouble several times for banging drums too hard in local music stores

1968: attempt but fail to whistle Andy Griffith Show song

1969: steal father’s harmonica, play it, break it

1969: sing in several variety shows with father (including Broadway hits “Okalahoma,” “Stop the World I Want to Get Off”)

1970–1973: perform with Lordship School Choir, sing two solos

1971: receive tin whistle from Irish grandmother

1971: lose tin whistle when Mother throws it out the window of family car

1972: enroll in flute lessons, 5th grade

1972: get dismissed from flute lessons when teacher realizes I can’t read music

1972: join 5th-grade recorder club without knowing how to read music

1973: acquire own harmonica

1974: learn to read music from Mother

1974–1976: sing soprano with Johnson Junior High school choir

1975 pass out on scaffolding while practicing with Johnson Junior High choir

1976: play with brother’s trumpet

1976: am forced to take free piano lessons at prep school while others play baseball outside

1976–1980: sing soprano with Lauralton Hall school choir

1978: abandon piano for swim team

1978: play and break sister’s clarinet

1980: sing with Fairfield University chorus 4 times, quit due to snobbish behavior of all involved

1980–1982: take guitar lessons

1980–1983: sing in car alone frequently

1982: guitar teacher dies, guitar lessons end

1985: discover significance of Brandenburg Concertos

1985: date man who has FCC license

1986: attend Run–DMC concert

1987: watch drag queen sing selections from La Boheme in F-train station, Greenwich Village

1990: purchase recorder at Costco, learn to play “The Jungle Book”

1994–2002: make repeated visits to Sam Ash Music, New Haven, Connecticut, to ask questions regarding conga drums

1994: learn lyrics to song “4 Wet Pigs”

1997: assist in rewrite of My Fair Lady to My Fair Roshi, spring Zen retreat

1997: perform in My Fair Roshi

1997: have recurring dreams about playing violin

1999: try to learn Italian with singing language tape, create reputation at office

2000: receive guitar for birthday

2000: play new guitar only in secret, mixing Bob Dylan and Elton John’s lyrics

2001: refuse to participate in karaoke e of any kind

2002: memorize a few of MC Solaar’s greatest hits in French

2003: acquire copy of Macintosh Garage Band musical editing software and accidentally call it “Garbage Can”

2003: write own music with free loops from software and force friends to listen

2003: acquire copy of SoundTrack editing software

2003: use SoundTrack to chop up parts of Broadway musical Hair and make new rap tunes

2006: program cell phone mix tracks for exclusive rings

(Debbie Naples is a dabbler in many things. She lives all over the place, but recently admitted to keeping house in Connecticut.)