Friday, July 01, 2005

Popular Monsters and Their Primary Antisocial Characteristics

Frankenstein’s Monster: Unpredictable violence; undeveloped conversational skills

The Mummy: Slow, relentless mauling; poor hygiene; adherence to obscure, rigid religious beliefs

Zombies: Slow, relentless mauling; poor hygiene; clannishness

Dracula / vampires: Narcissistic charm punctuated by bloodletting; superiority complex; Eurocentricity

Werewolves: Tendencies toward primal behavior; lunar obsession; parasite infestations

Crazed robots/computers: Superior attitude; monotonous modes of expression; inability to compromise

Demonic manifestations: Absolutist thinking (reliance on “good vs. evil” paradigm); overt need to provoke through unpleasant appearance, behavior, smell, etc.

Ghosts: Inability to let go of the past; tendency toward shocking behavior, followed by flight

Poltergeists: Same as above, but with property damage; acting out; pathological fixation on the young

Gigantic monstrosities/swarming hordes/environmental threats of all kinds: Arrogant, finger-wagging reminders of our own fears of modernity; reductionism; knee-jerk mistrust of science and progress

Invaders from space: Xenophobia; delusions of grandeur; reliance on complicated means of asexual reproduction; occasional gunplay

The lone, indestructible killer: Sociopathy; low self-esteem; misuse of edged weapons, power tools, and farm implements