Showing posts with label pancakes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pancakes. Show all posts
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
One of Those Whole "You Can't Go Home Again" Deals
The main flight attendant for his section of the plane, Vincent discovered, had a buoyant sense of humor.
That’s all I need now, he thought. All he really wanted was an uneventful flying experience. Get settled and buckled, ignore the safety announcements, keep his eyes on his book, get his complimentary snack and beverage, and rest his eyes if he was that lucky.
Now he had an amateur comedian announcing the rundown of basic safety concerns. She wanted everyone to rivet their attention to her litany of bland rules and instructions, and she wasn’t afraid to misuse both her brassy voice and the very concepts of comedy to achieve this. Vincent was now certain that he was being punished for a string of unknown sins.
“In the event of a loss of cabin pressure,” the woman said, “oxygen masks will automatically descend from the panel above your seat. Simply place the mask over your face…” She mimicked the action, putting the yellow section of a sample mask she held close to her mouth and nose. “…adjust the straps…” She pulled at the pale rubber band that hooked onto either side of the mask. “…and pull on the tube to start the flow of oxygen.” She demonstrated, straightening the clear plastic tube in front of her. “Not much of a fashion accessory, but it gets the job done,” she concluded. Many of the passengers chuckled good-naturedly. Vincent made an effort not to mold his expression into more of a scowl than it already appeared.
“Now if you’re assisting someone with a mask, make sure you put on your own mask before putting on theirs,” she continued, smiling broadly at her captive audience. “You’re not going to do them a lot of good if you conk out, now are you?” More polite laughs. Vincent focused on the book he held in his lap and offered a silent plea to heaven to deliver him from this soon. Even if that deliverance necessitated the activation of the emergency oxygen system. At least then the flight attendant would be forced to shut up.
After making jests about seat cushions serving not only as emergency floatation devices but also as excellent stadium pillows, warning that smoking in the restrooms would be caught on hidden webcams, and promising that the beverage service would be delivered that evening by cart, not flung from the ends of the aisles, the routine ground to a conclusion. Vincent realized he had been reading the same sentence for the past two minutes, and closed the book for a few moments to rest.
He felt members of the cabin crew passing by his shoulder as they hurried about their duties. Vincent had recently concluded that they in fact had no real duties, apart from the little speeches and the bartending. All the hurrying, he believed, was just filler. Busywork. Justification for their salaries. Oh, wait. They also closed the overhead bins and fetched the occasional pillow. Still, Vincent thought he might prefer it if they’d just sit down and relax.
In the bag tucked under the seat in front of him, Vincent had a variety of reading materials, but the one that most obsessed him even though he hadn’t read through it in over a week was a tight stack of letters written in a familiar loopy scrawl. These were the dispatches he’d received from Pancakes over the past year or so, scattershot details that she dashed off every so often. They were always impressionistic. Pancakes didn’t much enjoy composing formal letters, but she frequently felt a desire to jot down ideas and stray thoughts for an hour or so, and then she scrawled out a quick salutation and signature and proclaimed these as letters. Most of these went to Pastina, but when they didn’t go to her, they went to Vincent or to Pancakes’s father, Emiliano.
Despite the fact that her letters rarely had much more than a general mood or theme, the trend of those he’d received over the previous dozen months was unmistakable. As rare and as unlikely as it seemed to those who knew her best, Pancakes was in love. Vincent could almost feel himself sneer as the phrase floated through his head.
Pancakes was in love. Vincent felt cheated by it, even though he thought he’d put the idea of her ever being in love with him out of his mind years ago. But then this new guy had come along, this guy Claude, and it was as if all the years he’d spent dutifully being Pancakes’s platonic friend faded in a few moments. He was jealous and he was obsessed. And he still had to go and be just her friend. He considered ordering a cocktail when the time came, but he knew it would probably just make him sick at this point. His stomach hurt already.
Vincent remembered one particular line from Pancakes’s letter back in September. It wasn’t that details about Claude flooded out at him. They didn’t, actually. Claude was mentioned only twice. But the whole personality of that letter stood in sharp contrast to the usual Pancakes Dunst missive. The tone was, Vincent realized a few weeks after reading it (after reading it, in fact, fourteen times) completely unexasperated. That, he concluded, was shockingly new for Pancakes.
Not that she sounded content. If she had, Vincent would have called immediately to ask Pastina exactly when their friend had been kidnapped and replaced with an alien drone. Instead she mentioned feeling “idiotically optimistic, and totally ashamed of it.” She called Pastina “painfully hell-bent on having good intentions even while considering what it might feel like to strangle me.” She even suggested that her mother “almost sounded like she was thinking of talking sense for a change.”
Something had most decidedly come over Pancakes. And right now, Vincent imagined, that something was looking forward to ringing in the new year with her. Unless something happened in the next few hours to make the flight attendant’s emergency warnings suddenly pertinent, Vincent would soon arrive at his destination so he could pretend to be happy for them.
That’s all I need now, he thought. All he really wanted was an uneventful flying experience. Get settled and buckled, ignore the safety announcements, keep his eyes on his book, get his complimentary snack and beverage, and rest his eyes if he was that lucky.
Now he had an amateur comedian announcing the rundown of basic safety concerns. She wanted everyone to rivet their attention to her litany of bland rules and instructions, and she wasn’t afraid to misuse both her brassy voice and the very concepts of comedy to achieve this. Vincent was now certain that he was being punished for a string of unknown sins.
“In the event of a loss of cabin pressure,” the woman said, “oxygen masks will automatically descend from the panel above your seat. Simply place the mask over your face…” She mimicked the action, putting the yellow section of a sample mask she held close to her mouth and nose. “…adjust the straps…” She pulled at the pale rubber band that hooked onto either side of the mask. “…and pull on the tube to start the flow of oxygen.” She demonstrated, straightening the clear plastic tube in front of her. “Not much of a fashion accessory, but it gets the job done,” she concluded. Many of the passengers chuckled good-naturedly. Vincent made an effort not to mold his expression into more of a scowl than it already appeared.
“Now if you’re assisting someone with a mask, make sure you put on your own mask before putting on theirs,” she continued, smiling broadly at her captive audience. “You’re not going to do them a lot of good if you conk out, now are you?” More polite laughs. Vincent focused on the book he held in his lap and offered a silent plea to heaven to deliver him from this soon. Even if that deliverance necessitated the activation of the emergency oxygen system. At least then the flight attendant would be forced to shut up.
After making jests about seat cushions serving not only as emergency floatation devices but also as excellent stadium pillows, warning that smoking in the restrooms would be caught on hidden webcams, and promising that the beverage service would be delivered that evening by cart, not flung from the ends of the aisles, the routine ground to a conclusion. Vincent realized he had been reading the same sentence for the past two minutes, and closed the book for a few moments to rest.
He felt members of the cabin crew passing by his shoulder as they hurried about their duties. Vincent had recently concluded that they in fact had no real duties, apart from the little speeches and the bartending. All the hurrying, he believed, was just filler. Busywork. Justification for their salaries. Oh, wait. They also closed the overhead bins and fetched the occasional pillow. Still, Vincent thought he might prefer it if they’d just sit down and relax.
In the bag tucked under the seat in front of him, Vincent had a variety of reading materials, but the one that most obsessed him even though he hadn’t read through it in over a week was a tight stack of letters written in a familiar loopy scrawl. These were the dispatches he’d received from Pancakes over the past year or so, scattershot details that she dashed off every so often. They were always impressionistic. Pancakes didn’t much enjoy composing formal letters, but she frequently felt a desire to jot down ideas and stray thoughts for an hour or so, and then she scrawled out a quick salutation and signature and proclaimed these as letters. Most of these went to Pastina, but when they didn’t go to her, they went to Vincent or to Pancakes’s father, Emiliano.
Despite the fact that her letters rarely had much more than a general mood or theme, the trend of those he’d received over the previous dozen months was unmistakable. As rare and as unlikely as it seemed to those who knew her best, Pancakes was in love. Vincent could almost feel himself sneer as the phrase floated through his head.
Pancakes was in love. Vincent felt cheated by it, even though he thought he’d put the idea of her ever being in love with him out of his mind years ago. But then this new guy had come along, this guy Claude, and it was as if all the years he’d spent dutifully being Pancakes’s platonic friend faded in a few moments. He was jealous and he was obsessed. And he still had to go and be just her friend. He considered ordering a cocktail when the time came, but he knew it would probably just make him sick at this point. His stomach hurt already.
Vincent remembered one particular line from Pancakes’s letter back in September. It wasn’t that details about Claude flooded out at him. They didn’t, actually. Claude was mentioned only twice. But the whole personality of that letter stood in sharp contrast to the usual Pancakes Dunst missive. The tone was, Vincent realized a few weeks after reading it (after reading it, in fact, fourteen times) completely unexasperated. That, he concluded, was shockingly new for Pancakes.
Not that she sounded content. If she had, Vincent would have called immediately to ask Pastina exactly when their friend had been kidnapped and replaced with an alien drone. Instead she mentioned feeling “idiotically optimistic, and totally ashamed of it.” She called Pastina “painfully hell-bent on having good intentions even while considering what it might feel like to strangle me.” She even suggested that her mother “almost sounded like she was thinking of talking sense for a change.”
Something had most decidedly come over Pancakes. And right now, Vincent imagined, that something was looking forward to ringing in the new year with her. Unless something happened in the next few hours to make the flight attendant’s emergency warnings suddenly pertinent, Vincent would soon arrive at his destination so he could pretend to be happy for them.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
The Introspective Adventures of Pancakes Dunst!
#26
Paging Luigi Pirandello!
Just who is Pancakes Dunst? That’s what Pancakes Dunst wants to know. On a holiday retreat at an experimental theater workshop, the cleverest girl in the world comes face to face with her greatest foe of all time: her own public persona. How can one girl overcome the collective perception of millions? Her workshop mentor, legendary director Caleb Buono, tells her to look inside herself for motivation. “Your author will tell you what to do,” he insists. But the only thing Pancakes wants to do is get off the stage as soon as she can. “You’re only running away from yourself!” Buono calls to her. Pancakes knows it’s true, but she still can’t stop running. . . .
Monday, March 20, 2006
p.s.p. (public service pancakes)
Again, I feel I must do something for those who seem to be stumbling around all the wrong places looking for something they suppose I can provide. Honestly, at this rate, I think I might take a shortcut to blog greatness by specializing in the myth, lore, and love of panfried bread. That's what people love, worldwide.
Fine, folks. There are your pancakes. A picture of pancakes. A photograph of perfectly cooked, overly buttered, and utterly inviting pancakes. I am the Batter Ambassador, bringing the world closer to itself through heavy breakfast carbs. Get an eyeful!
And you're welcome.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Happy Pancake Tuesday!!!
Oh, heaven have mercy. It's that time again, my young friends. Pancake Tuesday is upon us. Sure, if you're in New Orleans, go on and do what you have to do to get a string of shiny beads. Your parents probably won't ever see that DVD anyway. Probably.
As for the rest of us, we're going to be eating pancakes. And why not? Some people claim there's like this whole history behind it and everything. For more, check out this "lovely" Aussie site where you can see a picture of Dwight Eisenhower grillin' up a mess o' pancakes. Like Ike? You'll love his pancakes.
Ooh, and I really have to insist that you take a peek at this site as well. Some of the same information, but with so many references sure to make an English schoolboy titter (titter! ha!) that I hate anyone to miss out. You'll see what I mean. And if you don't, well, don't admit it in front of the others. They won't think you're cool. Just laugh when everyone else does. That's called "socialization." You'll get the hang of it.
Now get out of here. Seriously. Go make some pancakes and prepare for the self-flagellating slog of Lent. I have to go get my hairshirt from the cleaners.
As for the rest of us, we're going to be eating pancakes. And why not? Some people claim there's like this whole history behind it and everything. For more, check out this "lovely" Aussie site where you can see a picture of Dwight Eisenhower grillin' up a mess o' pancakes. Like Ike? You'll love his pancakes.
Ooh, and I really have to insist that you take a peek at this site as well. Some of the same information, but with so many references sure to make an English schoolboy titter (titter! ha!) that I hate anyone to miss out. You'll see what I mean. And if you don't, well, don't admit it in front of the others. They won't think you're cool. Just laugh when everyone else does. That's called "socialization." You'll get the hang of it.
Now get out of here. Seriously. Go make some pancakes and prepare for the self-flagellating slog of Lent. I have to go get my hairshirt from the cleaners.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
buckwheat pancakes (not a joke ... an actual recipe!)
People often come to this blog--home to short fiction, digital snapshots, and occasional musings on the amusing--for actual pancake recipes. I feel bad for these people. Clearly the name of the blog is confusing to them, and in my small way I am therefore wasting precious seconds of their time. Worse, many of these visitors, from what the site's visit log indicates, are peeking in from far-flung areas of the planet: Russia, China, South America, Belgium, Detroit. What kind of ambassador am I being if I lure them in with the word "pancakes" and then fail to deliver on their expectations? Why, that's far too much like life!
Here then is my goodwill gesture. I hope it's delicious.
Buckwheat Pancakes
(makes 12 pancakes)
1 cup buckwheat flour
1 cup whole-wheat flour
1 egg, beaten
1 tablespoon baking powder
2 cups water
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
In a medium bowl, combine the flour, egg, and baking powder. Mix until evenly blended. Add the water, applesauce, and vanilla extract. Stir until only small lumps remain.
Heat a large nonstick skillet coated with cooking spray over medium heat. Working in batches, pour the batter into the pan and cook for 2 to 3 minutes, or until the bottom is browned. Turn and cook for 1 to 2 minutes longer, or until golden brown.
Remove to a plate and keep warm. Repeat to make a total of 12 pancakes.
Here then is my goodwill gesture. I hope it's delicious.
Buckwheat Pancakes
(makes 12 pancakes)
1 cup buckwheat flour
1 cup whole-wheat flour
1 egg, beaten
1 tablespoon baking powder
2 cups water
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
In a medium bowl, combine the flour, egg, and baking powder. Mix until evenly blended. Add the water, applesauce, and vanilla extract. Stir until only small lumps remain.
Heat a large nonstick skillet coated with cooking spray over medium heat. Working in batches, pour the batter into the pan and cook for 2 to 3 minutes, or until the bottom is browned. Turn and cook for 1 to 2 minutes longer, or until golden brown.
Remove to a plate and keep warm. Repeat to make a total of 12 pancakes.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
The Adventures of Pancakes Dunst: No. 21
This Week Only: All Nouns Half Off!
Everyone knows that billionaire businessman Anson Jarry prefers to keep his public comments concise. But no one predicted that in his silence he sought to seize the world’s wealth! With the publication of his glitzy autobiography, An Economy of Phrasing, Jarry unveils his scheme of complicated contracts that make him the owner of most of the world’s common words. Citizens across the globe try to protest, but they can’t afford the outcry. “Hey, no fair!” complain the world’s leaders, instantly incurring bills for their countries’ GNPs. Even at his low, low introductory prices, no one want to argue just to see Jarry profit. Pancakes Dunst resolves to button her lip, but she still has a thing or two to say about this stranglehold on free expression. Mime and interpretive dance have never been so compelling!
Thursday, September 22, 2005
new additions to The Mysterious Adventures of Pancakes Dunst
#9
Pancakes Dunst Battles the Blanket Policy!
On a class field trip to the Chrysalis Comforter Company, the cleverest girl in the world witnesses a contentious management meeting that leads to a sudden worker’s revolution. But who is the CEO so out of touch with the workforce that his decisions incite mild-mannered citizens to take up arms? A Forbes executive profile may hold some answers!
#10
The Ghost of Elvis Has Left the Building
It’s a haunted thrill ride for Pancakes Dunst and best friend Galen! A Thanksgiving trip to Graceland turns into a spooky shindig when a poltergeist interrupts a tour of Elvis’s home. Could this dangerous otherworldly disturbance derail Graceland’s business? And why? Willie the Caretaker seems to want to help discover the truth, but Pancakes is suspicious. Does he really believe the cleverest girl in the world hasn’t seen countless reruns of Scooby Doo?
#11
A Conspiracy of Bellhops
“That’s not my luggage,” the ambassador says, but the man in the red jacket and pillbox hat is already gone. Soon the mysterious metallic cases morph into spidery robots that bear him off to a generic lair of a generic evil mastermind. The world gasps. Will Pancakes Dunst not take action? Not when she’s advancing to the final rounds in an international chess competition. But as play proceeds, she notices the odd uniforms of the competition organizers. What up with the red jackets and pillbox hats?
#12
Alsatian, Dalmatian, Keeshond, and Pug, LLP
The American legal system is going to the dogs! Courtrooms across the country are being overrun by canines with doctorates of law, but these litigating pups tend to turn on juries when verdicts don’t go their way. Pancakes Dunst has her day in court to bring the calamitous counsel to heel, but wait … is that her long-lost beagle Ionesco denouncing her in a press conference? And what happened to his collar? That was brand new!
PLUS!
Pancakes Dunst Doesn’t Have Time to Play With Dolls! Super Deluxe Edition
with two brand-new stories—
“Mullets Over Oklahoma”
“An American Sock Monkey in Francisco Franco’s House”
Pancakes Dunst Battles the Blanket Policy!
On a class field trip to the Chrysalis Comforter Company, the cleverest girl in the world witnesses a contentious management meeting that leads to a sudden worker’s revolution. But who is the CEO so out of touch with the workforce that his decisions incite mild-mannered citizens to take up arms? A Forbes executive profile may hold some answers!
#10
The Ghost of Elvis Has Left the Building
It’s a haunted thrill ride for Pancakes Dunst and best friend Galen! A Thanksgiving trip to Graceland turns into a spooky shindig when a poltergeist interrupts a tour of Elvis’s home. Could this dangerous otherworldly disturbance derail Graceland’s business? And why? Willie the Caretaker seems to want to help discover the truth, but Pancakes is suspicious. Does he really believe the cleverest girl in the world hasn’t seen countless reruns of Scooby Doo?
#11
A Conspiracy of Bellhops
“That’s not my luggage,” the ambassador says, but the man in the red jacket and pillbox hat is already gone. Soon the mysterious metallic cases morph into spidery robots that bear him off to a generic lair of a generic evil mastermind. The world gasps. Will Pancakes Dunst not take action? Not when she’s advancing to the final rounds in an international chess competition. But as play proceeds, she notices the odd uniforms of the competition organizers. What up with the red jackets and pillbox hats?
#12
Alsatian, Dalmatian, Keeshond, and Pug, LLP
The American legal system is going to the dogs! Courtrooms across the country are being overrun by canines with doctorates of law, but these litigating pups tend to turn on juries when verdicts don’t go their way. Pancakes Dunst has her day in court to bring the calamitous counsel to heel, but wait … is that her long-lost beagle Ionesco denouncing her in a press conference? And what happened to his collar? That was brand new!
PLUS!
Pancakes Dunst Doesn’t Have Time to Play With Dolls! Super Deluxe Edition
with two brand-new stories—
“Mullets Over Oklahoma”
“An American Sock Monkey in Francisco Franco’s House”
Saturday, September 17, 2005
somebody has an issue with thespians
Almost as soon as Pancakes handed Pastina the casting list she’d worked out for O Socialism!, she found the paper flying back into her face as a crumpled ball. Pastina stared into her friend’s not-all-that-surprised face with not-all-that-unexpected anger.
“I cannot believe you!” Pastina yelled, her hands waving above her head. “What are you thinking?”
Pancakes shrugged and tried to look bored. “What?”
“You hate Astrid Inglaterra. You cut her down all the time. You make fun of her to her face. You started a club that was dedicated only to finding new bad stuff to say about her.”
“You joined it,” Pancakes pointed out.
“Because I’m your best friend, you dork,” Pastina said. “I don’t care one way or the other about her.”
“So what's the problem then? Why do you care that I cast her?”
Pastina looked skyward mock-thoughtfully. “Let’s see . . . um, one, because you never consulted me. Two, you would have totally flipped out if I tried to cast her. Three, because you’ve spent the past six years convincing me that she’s the vainest, most full-of-herself, shallowest show-off on the planet. Four, there was the time—”
“All right!” Pancakes yelled. “I get it.”
“Did I mention that you never asked me?”
“Yeah.”
“Because this isn’t the first time you’ve tried to hijack this musical. I don’t know why you have to be so hard to work with.”
“I’m sorry, Pas! I really just forgot.”
“You did not forget.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because casting Astrid as the lead in the show is a big, big thing. And you've pretty much remembered to bug me with every trivial decision along the way. It’s just when you think I might say no that you just do it first and ask forgiveness later.”
“But, Pas, she’s really good,” Pancakes said.
“I didn’t say she wasn’t good. I think I’m saying that you’re not good.”
“Fair enough,” Pancake said with a nod. “Then we’re agreed. Now, I’m not saying Astrid’s not a leech and a ninny and a bore . . . but she can hit a high C on command. And clothes fit her like she’s a dressmaker’s dummy. And her head’s so empty of any kind of original thought that she has loads of space left over to memorize lines. See? Don’t you get it, Pas?”
Pastina crossed her arms across her chest. “Get what?”
“Astrid’s the perfect actress.”
“I cannot believe you!” Pastina yelled, her hands waving above her head. “What are you thinking?”
Pancakes shrugged and tried to look bored. “What?”
“You hate Astrid Inglaterra. You cut her down all the time. You make fun of her to her face. You started a club that was dedicated only to finding new bad stuff to say about her.”
“You joined it,” Pancakes pointed out.
“Because I’m your best friend, you dork,” Pastina said. “I don’t care one way or the other about her.”
“So what's the problem then? Why do you care that I cast her?”
Pastina looked skyward mock-thoughtfully. “Let’s see . . . um, one, because you never consulted me. Two, you would have totally flipped out if I tried to cast her. Three, because you’ve spent the past six years convincing me that she’s the vainest, most full-of-herself, shallowest show-off on the planet. Four, there was the time—”
“All right!” Pancakes yelled. “I get it.”
“Did I mention that you never asked me?”
“Yeah.”
“Because this isn’t the first time you’ve tried to hijack this musical. I don’t know why you have to be so hard to work with.”
“I’m sorry, Pas! I really just forgot.”
“You did not forget.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because casting Astrid as the lead in the show is a big, big thing. And you've pretty much remembered to bug me with every trivial decision along the way. It’s just when you think I might say no that you just do it first and ask forgiveness later.”
“But, Pas, she’s really good,” Pancakes said.
“I didn’t say she wasn’t good. I think I’m saying that you’re not good.”
“Fair enough,” Pancake said with a nod. “Then we’re agreed. Now, I’m not saying Astrid’s not a leech and a ninny and a bore . . . but she can hit a high C on command. And clothes fit her like she’s a dressmaker’s dummy. And her head’s so empty of any kind of original thought that she has loads of space left over to memorize lines. See? Don’t you get it, Pas?”
Pastina crossed her arms across her chest. “Get what?”
“Astrid’s the perfect actress.”
Friday, August 05, 2005
from The Astonishing Adventures of Pancakes Dunst
#1: Attack of the Left-Leaning Pundits
Earth is invaded by very calm and reasonable aliens bent on taking over the world in a peaceful but absolute manner. To mollify the people of Earth, the media is co-opted by a vast army of intelligent and well-spoken aliens, who try to quell all resistance with their restrained but impassioned arguments against humankind's being allowed to rule itself. Eight-year-old Pancakes Dunst realizes that she, the cleverest girl in the world, is the only thing that stands between freedom and complacent slavery of her planet.
#2: Ooze Gonna Help You Now?
Federated Fossil Fuels grounds an oil tanker off the coast of South Carolina, spilling the ship's experimental, high-performance new fuel into waters once contested by Civil War ironclads and coastal forts. Pancakes Dunst offers her assistance in planning the cleanup to minimize the danger to the ecosystem, but she never expected to have to face an army of Civil War zombies stirred up by the fuel spill. And what about that mile-long slick of ooze floating in the bay? Has it really started talking?
#3: Toeing the Maginot Line
Pancakes’s French Adventure! On a goodwill tour of the European continent, Pancakes finds herself in danger by shady men in long trenchcoats and red berets. The prophecy of the Moroccan Medium points to a family secret left over from World War II, a Swiss bank account in her grandfather’s name, and a lost cinema classic by a reclusive director. Even more baffling, the ghost of Gertrude Stein keeps leaving phone messages with the concierge at Pancakes’s hotel. Now she has no choice but to find the links between these seemingly absurd events and still clear up matters in time to attend a dinner with the President of France!
#4: Night of the Narcolator
How can the cleverest girl in the world fight a danger she can’t identify? Someone is brewing anti-espresso, a high-powered drink that puts people to sleep in seconds. And it’s so popular that entire cities are shutting down all over the world! Pancakes is on the case, but with no apparent motive and no one claiming responsibility, it’s unclear just what the case is. But maybe a new friend named Pipo has some answers. At least, he claims to be a friend….
#5: Calling All Crips!
It’s gang warfare on the airwaves, and no one knows how to stop it before it before someone gets hurt. The city erupts in chaos when citizens are taken over by rival DJs with mind control messages encoded into their music. At first they seem intent only on ridiculous pranks, but as they battle for dominance, the pranks turn more and more dangerous. Pancakes Dunst knows she has to put the scratch on their tracks, but the only people who can help are part of a hearing-impaired street gang. If they can’t hear the music, will they listen to the cleverest girl in the world?
#6: A Night in the Bunker, A Day at the Races
“Does art excuse all?” Professor Gulglitch asked Pancakes as they stood together on the train platform. The bleak, slate-gray sky met the featureless horizon almost seamlessly in the distance. The rain beat down without pity or care. “I don’t even think the train stops here anymore,” Pancakes replied. A feral cat hiding beneath the rotting wood of the platform growled its annoyance at the wet weather.
#7: The Man Who Grew Too Much
Pancakes’s science fair project gets attention from the U.S. military, so the cleverest girl in the world takes a special trip to the President’s Easter party! While talk show hosts debate the separation of church and state, Pancakes and her best friend Galen take a stroll around Camp David in search of colorful eggs and chocolate treats. That’s when Dr. Patchwork, Pancakes’s evil nemesis, decides to make a mockery of the event by scaring off the media with a monster-sized Easter Bunny. Only that bunny wasn’t a nobody. It was the Secretary of Defense in a costume, and now he’s forty feet high!
#8: (Inner) Space Is the Place!
The greatest challenge of her life faces Pancakes Dunst: the holiday play! Special guest appearance by May-tall and the Deuteronomy Crew.
Superspecial Holiday Edition!
Pancakes Dunst Doesn't Have Time to Play with Dolls!
A collection of four special stories, including
“The Last Taco Stand in Berlin”
“Why a Bowler’s Tour, Dad? Why?”
“Slow Boat to Monkey Island”
“What I Did On My Summer Vacation, by Pancakes Dunst”
Plus: Collectible Stickers!
Earth is invaded by very calm and reasonable aliens bent on taking over the world in a peaceful but absolute manner. To mollify the people of Earth, the media is co-opted by a vast army of intelligent and well-spoken aliens, who try to quell all resistance with their restrained but impassioned arguments against humankind's being allowed to rule itself. Eight-year-old Pancakes Dunst realizes that she, the cleverest girl in the world, is the only thing that stands between freedom and complacent slavery of her planet.
#2: Ooze Gonna Help You Now?
Federated Fossil Fuels grounds an oil tanker off the coast of South Carolina, spilling the ship's experimental, high-performance new fuel into waters once contested by Civil War ironclads and coastal forts. Pancakes Dunst offers her assistance in planning the cleanup to minimize the danger to the ecosystem, but she never expected to have to face an army of Civil War zombies stirred up by the fuel spill. And what about that mile-long slick of ooze floating in the bay? Has it really started talking?
#3: Toeing the Maginot Line
Pancakes’s French Adventure! On a goodwill tour of the European continent, Pancakes finds herself in danger by shady men in long trenchcoats and red berets. The prophecy of the Moroccan Medium points to a family secret left over from World War II, a Swiss bank account in her grandfather’s name, and a lost cinema classic by a reclusive director. Even more baffling, the ghost of Gertrude Stein keeps leaving phone messages with the concierge at Pancakes’s hotel. Now she has no choice but to find the links between these seemingly absurd events and still clear up matters in time to attend a dinner with the President of France!
#4: Night of the Narcolator
How can the cleverest girl in the world fight a danger she can’t identify? Someone is brewing anti-espresso, a high-powered drink that puts people to sleep in seconds. And it’s so popular that entire cities are shutting down all over the world! Pancakes is on the case, but with no apparent motive and no one claiming responsibility, it’s unclear just what the case is. But maybe a new friend named Pipo has some answers. At least, he claims to be a friend….
#5: Calling All Crips!
It’s gang warfare on the airwaves, and no one knows how to stop it before it before someone gets hurt. The city erupts in chaos when citizens are taken over by rival DJs with mind control messages encoded into their music. At first they seem intent only on ridiculous pranks, but as they battle for dominance, the pranks turn more and more dangerous. Pancakes Dunst knows she has to put the scratch on their tracks, but the only people who can help are part of a hearing-impaired street gang. If they can’t hear the music, will they listen to the cleverest girl in the world?
#6: A Night in the Bunker, A Day at the Races
“Does art excuse all?” Professor Gulglitch asked Pancakes as they stood together on the train platform. The bleak, slate-gray sky met the featureless horizon almost seamlessly in the distance. The rain beat down without pity or care. “I don’t even think the train stops here anymore,” Pancakes replied. A feral cat hiding beneath the rotting wood of the platform growled its annoyance at the wet weather.
#7: The Man Who Grew Too Much
Pancakes’s science fair project gets attention from the U.S. military, so the cleverest girl in the world takes a special trip to the President’s Easter party! While talk show hosts debate the separation of church and state, Pancakes and her best friend Galen take a stroll around Camp David in search of colorful eggs and chocolate treats. That’s when Dr. Patchwork, Pancakes’s evil nemesis, decides to make a mockery of the event by scaring off the media with a monster-sized Easter Bunny. Only that bunny wasn’t a nobody. It was the Secretary of Defense in a costume, and now he’s forty feet high!
#8: (Inner) Space Is the Place!
The greatest challenge of her life faces Pancakes Dunst: the holiday play! Special guest appearance by May-tall and the Deuteronomy Crew.
Superspecial Holiday Edition!
Pancakes Dunst Doesn't Have Time to Play with Dolls!
A collection of four special stories, including
“The Last Taco Stand in Berlin”
“Why a Bowler’s Tour, Dad? Why?”
“Slow Boat to Monkey Island”
“What I Did On My Summer Vacation, by Pancakes Dunst”
Plus: Collectible Stickers!
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